meta dreaming
Dec. 8th, 2018 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chickentimeschickenwaysA thought I had:
A lot, if not all, of my rumination boils down to "I HAVE EXTREMELY LIMITED ABILITY TO SELF-COMFORT OR SELF-VALIDATE. PLZ HALP"
Soooo. . . does working out how I feel and why I feel that way in detail have much value? Should I just skip to "hey, I feel bad, can someone tell me something kind?"
I do not know the answer to this thing.
A thing I am working on:
How can I crystallize my self-comfort fantasies into a form that is reusable and sturdy?
Some of the difficulty is that part of the pleasure of an escape dream is its infinite, fuzzy potential. It can contain within it all beautiful things, even those which are geometrically impossible or geographically unlikely.
But that fuzziness is itself somewhat dangerous, because Treachery Shit Brain can warp even the nicest dream into a story about how I am a crap human and do not deserve good things.
I am considering.
The dream of the day, which I have not quite tacked down, is what it would be like to be the sort of person who had a Proper Reason to buy a lot of nice things from [large box store where I work] (instead of being me, who buys 1 bag salad or 1 box of 900 cookies at a time).
Example: what might a person do with a big box of pears??? Maybe make a fancy tart. Maybe make TWO fancy tarts, for a PARTY. What about a massive bag of coffee beans? Perhaps this mythical person has a transient espresso machine that travels from closet to closet throughout the city. Maybe they have dozens of international guests every year, and they make each one of them a breakfast cappucino.
(There's only one real Proper Reason, isn't it, and that's because one belongs to a whole network of people who need nourishing -- )
A lot, if not all, of my rumination boils down to "I HAVE EXTREMELY LIMITED ABILITY TO SELF-COMFORT OR SELF-VALIDATE. PLZ HALP"
Soooo. . . does working out how I feel and why I feel that way in detail have much value? Should I just skip to "hey, I feel bad, can someone tell me something kind?"
I do not know the answer to this thing.
***
A thing I am working on:
How can I crystallize my self-comfort fantasies into a form that is reusable and sturdy?
Some of the difficulty is that part of the pleasure of an escape dream is its infinite, fuzzy potential. It can contain within it all beautiful things, even those which are geometrically impossible or geographically unlikely.
But that fuzziness is itself somewhat dangerous, because Treachery Shit Brain can warp even the nicest dream into a story about how I am a crap human and do not deserve good things.
I am considering.
The dream of the day, which I have not quite tacked down, is what it would be like to be the sort of person who had a Proper Reason to buy a lot of nice things from [large box store where I work] (instead of being me, who buys 1 bag salad or 1 box of 900 cookies at a time).
Example: what might a person do with a big box of pears??? Maybe make a fancy tart. Maybe make TWO fancy tarts, for a PARTY. What about a massive bag of coffee beans? Perhaps this mythical person has a transient espresso machine that travels from closet to closet throughout the city. Maybe they have dozens of international guests every year, and they make each one of them a breakfast cappucino.
(There's only one real Proper Reason, isn't it, and that's because one belongs to a whole network of people who need nourishing -- )
no subject
Date: 2018-12-09 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-09 02:30 pm (UTC)At risk of ruminating more (sigh), I still haven't worked out if this is just a feeling I am always going to have and need to get better at sitting with, or if I should be making some sort of change or other.
In any case, knowing that someone is reading my posts is very helpful. <3
no subject
Date: 2018-12-09 02:35 pm (UTC)Yeah, those kind of things are hard to figure out, especially when you're not feeling great. I've had experience of both my distress tolerance getting better over time and actual improvements to my situation making things better, but I kind of stumbled into both.
Happy to be here x