![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chickentimeschickenwaysThinking about the woman on Twitter who told me I'd ruin my liver by drinking diet Coke and taking Advil. Joke's on you, random concern troll lady! My liver's already ruined! (Surely it must be!)
I spent this morning finishing Nurk, Ursula Vernon's first novel, a children's book about a (somewhat) brave shrew. I would describe it as a gently creepy modern interpretation of The Wind in the Willows.
Yesterday I went through all of the Hamster Princess books that were available in the children's section of the Cambridge Public Library (which is its own floor and has a foreboding little sign on the door to the staircase leading up to it, FOR THE ENJOYMENT OF CHILDREN AND THEIR CARETAKERS. I rushed in and out as quickly as possible), and I expect that I'll shortly be blowing through the Dragonbreath books as well.
Everything is a bit overwhelming right now, and I don't much feel like I've got the emotional energy to cope with books where people are thoughtlessly cruel or complex or difficult. I can hear the screaming now -- that's not real life! -- but that's the point, isn't it? I can barely deal with my real real life.
In light of that, I've also been watching Lords and Ladles, a show during which all things, with the singular exception of calf's foot jelly, can be made tasty, with enough spices and butter and cream. It's probably that which got me started thinking about planning my Ireland trip again -- not, which would be more sensible, the fact that we're supposed to submit our requests for vacation in January.
It suddenly came to me yesterday that -- if the idea of figuring out how to get to Worldcon is stressing me out -- I could just not go. I have a dreadful habit of making a plan and then -- because I've told people about the plan and I feel embarrassed about backing out of it when there are witnesses to my optimism -- forcing myself to go through with things, even if I'm too tired or short on time to make it really work. And while it is, of course, possible that I won't feel as brittle as I do right now come next August -- currently I have far more nightmares than daydreams available to me about how said convention might go. Spending a lot of time looking at the authors and panels that might occur makes me feel sick and inadequate; spending a lot of time looking at hiking trails that I can easily get to with Bus Eireann is pleasant. So there we are.
So perhaps I will try to make Wellington 2020. That would be terribly exciting, wouldn't it?
I spent this morning finishing Nurk, Ursula Vernon's first novel, a children's book about a (somewhat) brave shrew. I would describe it as a gently creepy modern interpretation of The Wind in the Willows.
Yesterday I went through all of the Hamster Princess books that were available in the children's section of the Cambridge Public Library (which is its own floor and has a foreboding little sign on the door to the staircase leading up to it, FOR THE ENJOYMENT OF CHILDREN AND THEIR CARETAKERS. I rushed in and out as quickly as possible), and I expect that I'll shortly be blowing through the Dragonbreath books as well.
Everything is a bit overwhelming right now, and I don't much feel like I've got the emotional energy to cope with books where people are thoughtlessly cruel or complex or difficult. I can hear the screaming now -- that's not real life! -- but that's the point, isn't it? I can barely deal with my real real life.
In light of that, I've also been watching Lords and Ladles, a show during which all things, with the singular exception of calf's foot jelly, can be made tasty, with enough spices and butter and cream. It's probably that which got me started thinking about planning my Ireland trip again -- not, which would be more sensible, the fact that we're supposed to submit our requests for vacation in January.
It suddenly came to me yesterday that -- if the idea of figuring out how to get to Worldcon is stressing me out -- I could just not go. I have a dreadful habit of making a plan and then -- because I've told people about the plan and I feel embarrassed about backing out of it when there are witnesses to my optimism -- forcing myself to go through with things, even if I'm too tired or short on time to make it really work. And while it is, of course, possible that I won't feel as brittle as I do right now come next August -- currently I have far more nightmares than daydreams available to me about how said convention might go. Spending a lot of time looking at the authors and panels that might occur makes me feel sick and inadequate; spending a lot of time looking at hiking trails that I can easily get to with Bus Eireann is pleasant. So there we are.
So perhaps I will try to make Wellington 2020. That would be terribly exciting, wouldn't it?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-06 03:54 pm (UTC)if you feel an immense wash of relief at the idea of Not Doing The Thing? You can just...not do the thing.
I KNOW THAT SOUNDS FAKE BUT I SWEAR IT IS ALLOWED
no subject
Date: 2018-12-06 04:05 pm (UTC)AAAAAA
The trouble is that I do sort of feel like my natural state is unmoving hermit? which seems very boring and to be argued with. ugh trying to find a pleasant medium spot is terrible.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-06 04:19 pm (UTC)questions that can be useful to me:
- if i was instantly teleported there would I be glad to be there or would i teleport right back home?
- if i didn't go and someone told me about how fun it was for them, would i be like DAMMIT i should have gone or like oh hey cool story?
- do i want to go because i think it will be good in some way or do i want to go because i think i should/if i don't someone will be disappointed?
brain wrangling is terrible, much sympathies
(oh and also it's Tylenol that fucks up your liver, not ibuprofen, so you're probably fine)
no subject
Date: 2018-12-06 05:44 pm (UTC)These are EXCELLENT questions and I think the answer is:
- about 75% of the difficulty with Worldcon is the annoyance and expense of getting there. 25% is my own insecurity. I think the 75% would be fair to disregard if we weren't talking about international travel, but in this case I think spending two or three of my allotted days in a country I love at an event that turns out not to be very fun would be a little heartbreaking.
- I will be a bit jealous! But I think my jealousy is more about me feeling like I'm not a Real Writer.
- I've never been to an SFF convention so I actually have no idea if it will be good? I am planning to go to one or two of the Boston conventions in January and February, which will presumably give me some idea of whether going to conventions is a thing I would like to do.
THANKS FOR BEING SENSIBLE AT ME
no subject
Date: 2018-12-07 12:49 am (UTC)Like, I love Hamster Princess, too, but Wendell in the Dragonbreath books is my son (in the fannish way, not the similar to my kid way, my kid is more Christiana).
no subject
Date: 2018-12-07 01:26 am (UTC)