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new stupid year, new stupid me
Dec. 28th, 2018 10:50 pmI am trying very hard not to think too much about resolutions and goals, because I am basically shit at both. I set myself up to fail and then I am surprised and disappointed when I fail.
I do have some thoughts, because I adore the idea of starting, and restarting, and starting again.
They are, totally out of order:
- I think this is a year for more or less staying the course and doing the work. So, sort of like last year, but with less moving and less panicking.
- kindness with self is very important.
- related to both of these things: I think that it is Good for me to be excesssively general when planning ahead more than about a week, and only get detailed when I'm thinking about the next 24 hours. In other words: I cannot predict what specific creative tasks I will be doing more than a day out. I know this about myself. When I try, I set expectations that I then promptly fail to meet and end up sad and ashamed. I can give myself a general direction to go in, but I need to cool it on the overplanning.
- two words: dental. hygiene.
- if there's ever been a resolution which made me go OOOO YES I SHOULD DO THAT, it's Nicole Cliffe's: to get up immediately and use the bathroom as soon as you wake up and need to pee, rather than lying grumpily in bed for half an hour waiting for your bladder to stop bothering you.
- I've settled into some habits, many (most?) of them mediocre. I think it's worth reminding myself that I am a volatile human being and just because I am being gentle and forgiving with myself doesn't mean I can't experiment with new ways of doing things. It doesn't have to be extremely rigorous or brutally unpleasant to be informative. Even if it only helps for one week -- well, I'm only planning one week at a time. So.
For example: currently I am washing my hair twice a week. What if . . . I washed my hair THREE times a week? Or: I have in the past used Cold Turkey with some success to limit the parts of my social media consumption that were making me unhappy. What if . . . I TRIED AGAIN.
- one bit at a time. That is all right. There are so many things: but I have to work my way through.
I do have some thoughts, because I adore the idea of starting, and restarting, and starting again.
They are, totally out of order:
- I think this is a year for more or less staying the course and doing the work. So, sort of like last year, but with less moving and less panicking.
- kindness with self is very important.
- related to both of these things: I think that it is Good for me to be excesssively general when planning ahead more than about a week, and only get detailed when I'm thinking about the next 24 hours. In other words: I cannot predict what specific creative tasks I will be doing more than a day out. I know this about myself. When I try, I set expectations that I then promptly fail to meet and end up sad and ashamed. I can give myself a general direction to go in, but I need to cool it on the overplanning.
- two words: dental. hygiene.
- if there's ever been a resolution which made me go OOOO YES I SHOULD DO THAT, it's Nicole Cliffe's: to get up immediately and use the bathroom as soon as you wake up and need to pee, rather than lying grumpily in bed for half an hour waiting for your bladder to stop bothering you.
- I've settled into some habits, many (most?) of them mediocre. I think it's worth reminding myself that I am a volatile human being and just because I am being gentle and forgiving with myself doesn't mean I can't experiment with new ways of doing things. It doesn't have to be extremely rigorous or brutally unpleasant to be informative. Even if it only helps for one week -- well, I'm only planning one week at a time. So.
For example: currently I am washing my hair twice a week. What if . . . I washed my hair THREE times a week? Or: I have in the past used Cold Turkey with some success to limit the parts of my social media consumption that were making me unhappy. What if . . . I TRIED AGAIN.
- one bit at a time. That is all right. There are so many things: but I have to work my way through.
